| PAGE 2's FIRST-ROUND PROJECTIONS |
| Pick, Player |
Scouting Report |
1. Margin Hooks
WR, Brigham Young |
Sounds like a prostitute working for an investment firm (but aren't they all?). Most eagerly anticipated top pick since former Browns WR Fair Hooker. |
2. Donny Hogg
WR, Texas A & M-Kingsville |
Good in the mud. |
3. Nemessis Bates
WR, Southern |
Norman's love child. Only downside: "Nemessis" spelled backward is Sissemen. |
4. Quincy Hipps
DE, Miami (Fla.) |
Shaky pick. |
5. Mario Monds
DT, Cincinnati |
We can just hear Chris Berman now, "And they just can't block Mario Monds 'of Venus'!" |
6. Jacob Waasdorp
DT, California |
Hey, Jake, waaasss up?!? |
7. Onome Ojo
WR, Cal-Davis |
The Big Oh-Oh! |
8. Abdul Shamsud-Din
DE, USC |
It's arabic for "Allah must have loved quarterback sacks, because he made so many of them." |
9. Kendrick Office
DE, West Alabama |
If he bombs, at least you can always say you gave at the Office. |
10. Chukky Okobi
OL, Purdue |
Berman: " 'Bride of' Chukky Okobi." |
11. Sage Rosenfels
QB, Iowa State |
Wise choice. |
12. Colston Weatherington
DE, Cen. Missouri St. |
Will weather the Weatherington whatever the Weatherington. |
13. Riley Kleinhesselink
DE, Northwestern College |
Only downside is they'll have to print his name on his jersey in agate type. |
14. Darnerian McCants
WR, Delaware State |
Could have gone higher if hadn't changed name from Damnerian. |
15. Shaunard Harts
S, Boise State |
You've got to have Harts. |
16. LaDainian Tomlinson
RB, TCU |
Talented son of Lily Tomlinson. |
17. T.J. Houshmanzadeh
WR, Oregon State |
Hate your play-by-play man? Then this is a must pick. |
18. Orshawante Bryant
WR, Portland State |
Thinking of changing his name to Kobe. |
19. Kamakana Kaimuola
OL, Montana |
Berman: "'Kamikaze' Kamakana Kaimuola." |
20. Cory Quye
OT, Texas |
Best Q-rating in the draft. |
21. Eric Westmoreland
LB, Tennessee |
The General. |
22. Yubrenal Isabelle
LB, Virginia |
No relation to Isabelle Yubrenal, the French rap star. |
23. Marques Tuiasosopo
QB, Washington |
Announcers need not fear, it's actual a simple pronunciation: "Mar-cus." |
24. Brandon Manumaleuna
TE, Arizona |
Sounds like a yuppie sumo wrestler. |
25. Correll Buckhalter
RB, Nebraska |
Named for the Bengals' bonus philosophy. |
26. Terdell Sands
DT, Chattanooga |
Berman: "Terdell 'Love Letters in the' Sands." |
27. Richmond Flowers
WR, Chattanooga |
Would be the first time teammates went consecutively in the draft. |
28. Ray Redziniak
G, Illinois |
Persistent rumors he changed his name from Ray Redneck. If so, good move. |
29. Bhawoh Jue
CB, Penn State |
Just a guy named Jue. |
30. Kalani Sitake
FB, BYU |
Only BYU star ever named after a mushroom. |
31. Justin Smith
DE, Missouri |
The pickings are always slim for the Super Bowl champs. |
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