The easy answer is to fire Don Baylor. Can him. Pink-slip him. Grab a fork and knife and chow down on the remaining time on his Chicago Cubs contract. That’s what the Detroit Tigers did with Phil Garner, what the Milwaukee Brewers did with Davey Lopes, what the Colorado Rockies did with Buddy Bell, what the Kansas City Royals did with Tony Muser.

But these are the Cubs we’re talking about. The same Cubs who are working on their second 100-year plan. The Cubs who haven’t won a World Series since 1908, who haven’t played in a Fall Classic since 1945, when they were managed by a man whose last name perfectly describes the franchise’s history: Grimm.

I used to cover the Cubs for the Chicago Tribune. It wasn’t much of a tenure -- from winter of 1995, through spring training of 1996, through June 19 of that year. I still have the scorebook. Appropriately enough, they lost that day, a 13-inning little heartbreaker to the Los Angeles Dodgers. Chan Ho Park got the win in relief, Terry Adams got the loss. Time of nightmare: 4 hours, 59 minutes.

Afterward, I stopped by the locker stall of a Cubs veteran. The name doesn’t matter. He took a pull on his postgame cigarette, flicked the ashes onto the clubhouse floor and waited for a question. Instead, I told him this was my last game on the beat and I thanked him for his help during the previous six months.

"Oh, yeah?" he said. "Where you going?"

"Atlanta," I said. "They’re reassigning me to the Olympics."

The player took another drag from his cigarette, looked up and said, "Can I go too?"

In case you’re wondering, the C on the Cubs ballcap stands for "Cursed." Boston Red Sox followers swear by (and at) the Curse of the Bambino, so named for the after-effects of the December 1919 sale of Babe Ruth to the New York Yankees. The Red Sox haven’t won a World Series since 1918. Bill Buckner can tell you all about it.

But the Cubs have been tortured by two curses: first, the Curse of the Billy Goat (the goat and its owner were turned away at the Wrigley Field gates, decades of losing followed), and now the latest spell, the Curse of the Security Screens.

If you haven’t already seen the gawd-awful screens on WGN, here’s the deal: Cubs management, tired of losing ticket revenue to the apartment building owners whose roofs overlook the ballyard, added the blue screens as a sight-line deterrent. Controversy ensued along these battle lines: corporate monolith Tribune Company vs. quaint rooftop tradition.

Look, the rooftop lords have been pirating Cubs product for years. It was local custom way back when, now it’s big business. In essence, the building owners have quasi-luxury suites for daily sale, but don’t invest in the Cubs product. It’s a scam for the ages.

But still, the screens must go. Now. Before it’s too late.

Since the screens arrived the Cubs have won just 8 of 23 games. They’re already 6 1/2 games behind the Cincinnati Reds, who haven’t had the injured Ken Griffey Jr. for weeks. They’re 27th out of 30 teams in batting average (.240). They’re 25th in fielding percentage (.976). They’re 4-9 at Wrigley, including a recent 3-game home losing streak.

You still don’t think the Curse of the Security Screens exists? Fine, then explain why star reliever Kyle Farnsworth inexplicably suffers a stress fracture in his right foot. Or why third baseman Bill Mueller and his surgically repaired left knee aren’t expected back until at least May 7. Or why offseason acquisition Moises Alou -- the guy Sammy Sosa said the Cubs had to have -- has already spent time on the disabled list and has as many doubles as starting pitcher Kerry Wood (1).

Juan Cruz has a 2.33 earned-run average ... and is 0-5. First baseman Fred McGriff is hitting .200 and has exactly one home run. Catcher Todd Hundley has 22 at-bats and a .182 average. Against the Dodgers Sunday, Baylor let left-hander Jeff Fassero pitch to right-handed hitter Brian Jordan. Jordan was 3 of 18 against Fassero ... before he hit a 3-run ding-dong that sealed a 5-4 victory for LA. Fassero, who had a wonderful 2001 season, has now given up 11 runs in 11 innings.

You want more? The Cubs began Monday with one more victory than the dreadful Brewers. The Cubs’ website poll asked, "Who was the MVP in April?" Can you vote for nobody?

Through Sunday’s schedule, no team has scored fewer runs or produced fewer RBI than the Cubs. Their best starting pitcher might be in Double A (Mark Prior). So pervasive is The Curse that even the White Sox have been stricken, losing a three-game series at Oakland in spectacular fashion (they were outscored, 32-5).

Coincidence? You decide: a few weeks ago White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf publicly supported the Cubs security screens. Hmmm.

There is only one answer, and it doesn’t have anything to do with firing Baylor. Deep-six the screens -- the sooner, the better. The Cubs begin a six-game road trip Tuesday. When they get back, let there be light, not blue.

Or else.

Gene Wojciechowski is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. E-mail him at gene.wojciechowski@espnmag.com.